Thursday, July 31, 2014

~ What's Your Mask ~

  There is something so intriguing as a face mask. Call it the romantic in me, but I remember having my first crush on Boba Fett as a young girl. That mask. How dare he hide his face, and at the same time I loved him for it.

  This deep rooted yumminess of mine I have carried throughout the years. Oh the delightful mystery that surrounds a face mask and the sad reality that masked balls aren't the scene anymore. Humph.

  Here are a few masks that have always succeeded in getting this 'ol gal to smile. Masks really do make life just a tad bit more irresistible.

Batman- Oh, yes!

Motorcycle Helmut- Delicious!

Paintballing Mask- Yum!

Predator- Purely awesome!

Knight's Helmut- Yes, please!

Guy Fawkes Mask- Tasty!

Boba Fett- The mask that started it all!




Wednesday, July 30, 2014

¦ Author Spotlight ¦ Dostoyevsky

   "We sometimes encounter people, even perfect strangers, who begin to interest us at first sight, somehow suddenly, all at once, before a word has been spoken."
 
 Fyodor Dostoyevsky


Tuesday, July 29, 2014

~ Juicy Character Snippets ~ Study Drug


• Continued •
   

"Winston Archibald?" a lady behind a counter called out.

    "At last," Winston groaned loudly.

    He having waited for two hours, filling out various questionnaires had become quite irritable due to the long wait. Finally it was his turn to meet with the nurse and get on with the medical tests. He un-wedged himself from the chair and waddled to the lady.

    "Please come this way," she directed Winston into an empty room.

   "Do you have any water or adequate snacks? Being left in the waiting room has left me a bit peckish."

    "I'm sorry, you aren't allowed to eat anything thirty minutes before or thirty minutes after taking the study drug."

    "What absurdity, I distinctly remember not signing up for a weight loss supplement!"

The girl laughed, "All study drugs follow this guideline. Please sit down."

Winston huffed and sat on the tiny chair. The wooden legs creaked as his weight pressed down on the helpless furniture.

    "This drug is to treat heartburn." The nurse began, "It is a single-blind study. Only you will be unaware if you are taking the actual study drug or the placebo."

     "Yes, yes, I read the paper work." Winston said, getting impatient.

     "Do you have any questions?" she asked.

     "None."

     "How is your heartburn right now?" she asked.

     "Intolerable," he lied. "I've had chronic heartburn since preschool."

     "Well, hopefully, this helps you out."

     "One can hope for such things," he agreed.

    "Okay, let me just take your blood pressure and temperature and we will get started." The nurse put the cuff around Winston's massive arm. She smiled sweetly.

   "I have excellent blood pressure," Winston said, ignoring the nurse and her attempts to fit the cuff properly.

     Squeezing his arm, his fat poked out of both sides like an overstuffed hotdog. Winston squinted his eyes as the cuff slowly began cutting off the circulation of his arm. Almost to the point of tears, the cuff released its hold, and Winston sighed.

  "190/95" the nurse said.

  "Excellent," Winston nodded.

  "That's really high."
 
  "Well, naturally," he said, dismissing her comment.

The nurse said nothing and put the thermometer under Winston's tongue. Winston played with the foreign object, pretending it was a tiny sword.

 "Okay, open," the nurse pulled out the thermometer. "100.1"

 "Outstanding," he bellowed.

The nurse wrote down his readings with caution. "Remember if you experience any discomfort, shortness of breath, go to the hospital at once."

   "Indeed," he said, "Now, am I ready?"

    "Yes," she handed Winston a plastic cup with two pills in it. He popped them in his mouth and reached for the water glass the nurse was holding. In a giant swig, he smiled proudly.

   "When do I get paid?"

   "After you come back on your next appointment and hand in your chart." She handed him a piece of paper with a series of lines and frowny faces on it. "If your heartburn gets better or worse, you need to log it in. Every 15 minutes."

   "I am a steward of time," he stood up from his chair with a grunt.

   "Okay, see you in three days." The nurse smiled and waved goodbye.

  Mumbling a salutation, Winston left the medical building in a mad shamble. Waiting for her son, Marjorie was busily reading a celebrity magazine in the car.

  "I apologize for the horrendous time that it is. The nurse didn't know what she was doing," Winston complained.

  "Its alright dear," Marjorie said, starting the car.

  "I am famished. Take me the closest hamburger establishment." Winston ordered.

  "Yes, my dear."

  "Hold on," Winston smacked his chest a couple of times and coughed. He rolled down his window and expectorated the pills. "Okay, now we can resume."





  



Monday, July 28, 2014

• 10 Favorite Horror Movies •

My unholy and delicious bane, horror movies have always been my guilty pleasure. Here is a list, in no particular order, of my top ten.


1. Cabin in the Woods.

2. Army of Darkness.

3. Drag Me To Hell.

4. Zoombieland.

5. World War Z.

6. Dance of the Dead.

7. Doom.

8. Resident Evil.

9. Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters.

10. Ginger Snaps.



Thursday, July 24, 2014

~ Juicy Character Snippets ~ Strumpet's Manifesto

 
• Continued •
 
 Sir,
 
 Much to your intolerant nature, I have written you in the allotted time frame. I dare say that you hardly deserve such a greeting. I am in great supply these days. That I hardly have time for such trivial matters, Winston. Even as the words leave my pen I am late for a political meeting. 
 
You need to get out of that dilapidated house. I pity your circumstances. If you would come visit me, I would open the world to you. However, I will warn, the esteem colleagues of mine have never even heard of Warhammer. You must leave such childish toys at home.
 
My comrades await me, I must leave you.
 
Cordially,
 
K
 
 
Winston clutched the letter, annoyed. How dare she. To even think about an excursion exhausted him. What would his mother do in his departure? The batty old woman was nearing the end of her life. He shuddered at the thought of her passing and he having to come home and find a rotten corpse.
 
Leaning back in his chair, he tapped his pen. Little blue dots appeared on a piece of paper as his thoughts organized themselves, the tapping continued.
 
      "Political meeting," he huffed. "What a ridicules waste of one's time."
 
How foolish he had been in thinking that this phase in her life would pass. No, it seems that she is deep in the rabbit hole of politics and poison.
 
     "Pity my circumstances," He wadded up the letter and threw it across his room. "I'll show her!"
 
Reaching for the medical testers brochure he had received in the mail, he looked over the flyer.
 
 
 
Get Paid To Be A Medical Tester!
 
 
 
"The Warhammer Gods have smiled upon me," Winston bellowed. "I make for Albion!"
 
Adjusting his sweet pants, he grabbed his favorite red hoodie. Pulling it over his massive head, he stampeded out of his room. The vixen had waged war.


 

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

¦ Creature of the Day ¦ Wraith

Wraith: a ghost or ghostlike image of someone, especially one seen shortly before or after their death.

                          ~ Now for a literary snippet ~

A heavy thick fog had settled over the land. Barricaded in their houses, the towns people extinguished all traces of light, fearing for their lives.

The White Witch had taken over the kingdom, turning its once fertile soil sulfuric and ash. Releasing her wretched spirits, the wraiths unleashed a horror from long ago. Screaming their horrible screams, the wraiths moved from house to house leaving only shadows in their wake.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Life Taste's Better with Cheese

Let's be honest, everything taste's better with cheese. Here are a few irritants that that would go down a whole lot smoother with some cheesy goodness.

• Taxes: If every April 15th came with a free plate of cheese dripping nachos, that would indeed be a day to smile about.

• Quarterly Reviews: Cheese.

• Stepping in Dog Poo: Those new shoes sure looked good a second ago. No worries, some cheese wantons will brighten your day.

• Dentist Appointments: Cheese.

•  Safety and Emissions: Your car doesn't pass? No problem, have a side of chili cheese fries on us.

• Surgery: Cheese.

• Speeding Tickets: Officer Friendly hands you a ticket with a smile. He isn't smiling for ruining your day, he smiles because of the ooey gooey mozzarella cheese sticks you are about to devour.

• Jury Duty: Cheese.

• A Bad Hair Day: I have them, you might have them. . . but I'll tell you what, if I had a blue cheese crumble salad waiting for me I'd be pretty happy about life.

 
Life is hard enough add some cheese.




Monday, July 21, 2014

• Beginnings Launch • July 29th

This is an ONLINE Event!  We'll have games hosted by the authors whose stories are featured in this book, with prizes to give away as well. You can see the prizes below.

You can read about the anthology here:

http://creativeprosepublishing.blogspot.com/p/our-books.html

Creative Prose Publishing: Beginnings Anthology

A snippet of my latest anthology! Check it out!


Creative Prose Publishing: Our Books:

TRAIN STATION: 3:00 P.M. by Candace Gleave

A ball of gold the size of a cow's eyeball and a man worth his weight in fortune bring together a motley group of criminals, all who will do anything and everything to obtain both treasures.




~ Juicy Character Snippets ~ Mail


                                        • Continued •
     

   "He's hiding from me." Marjorie voiced her concern to Silvia over the phone.

       "I didn't think a man that large could hide?"

       "He is developing a very unhealthy habit of eating late at night." Marjorie sighed, "I hear him at three in the morning making himself a sandwich. I think he has even gotten fatter!"

       "Marjorie, you need to take action!" Silvia commanded into the phone. "Winston has got to move out."
 
       "I know, I know," Marjorie nodded, holding the phone tightly. "I just don't known what else to do?"

      "Tell you what. . ."

Marjorie's attention was directed to the side door. The door opened and Winston squeezed through like a round balloon.

      "I'll see you tonight," Marjorie whispered into the phone and hung up on her friend.

     Alarmed to see his mother in the daylight hours, Winston stopped humming his Italian Opera and stood very still. He had come up to check the mail to see if his naughty strumpet had written him. It had been a week since he sent his epistle. Her time was drawing to an end.

     "Hello, Winston," his mother smiled.

     "Mother," he nodded his head.

     "How is your day?"

      Winston ignored the question and noticed the mail sitting by the telephone. "Is there anything for me in the mail?"

Marjorie picked up the sorted mail and gave Winston his pile. "Here you go my dear."

Winston grabbed the mail like a hungry lion.

Coupons for his favorite burger establishment. Yes.

Credit card offers. Junk.

An invoice from a doctor's office, third notice. Winston refused to pay the ridiculous invoice. The doctor had mistreated him, and wrongly diagnosed him. Junk.

Medical testers needed. Intriguing.

His hands started to get sweaty. Near the end of his pile, he had one last letter to look at. His eyes widened. Recognizing that chicken scratch anywhere, his minx, his torture, had written him.

   "Oh, is that from your friend?" His mother took a step forward, getting hopeful.

   "I have no time to explain, mother." Winston's heart pushed through his chronic murmur and pumped with increasing vigor. "I have an Italian Opera to finish!" 

Humming proudly, Winston marched to his bedroom. Sitting at his desk, he pushed his half painted Warhammer elves aside and ripped open the letter.

 


Friday, July 18, 2014

The Peach Clock Countdown- Continues

I have procured a ladder.

Soon I shall have my grubby mitts on those tantalizing peaches.

Hopefully, my fear of heights and the neighbor's dog won't be an issue.  

Thursday, July 17, 2014

° Things I love °

Peppermint tea on a cold winter's night.

Leather driving gloves.

The smell of freshly baked bread.

Letters in the Mail.

Sundresses.

Giggles from babies and laughter from adults.

Crisp twenty dollar bills.

A package of new pens.

Sand dollars.

Road trips.

Black and white pictures.

Messages in a bottle.

Love notes from years past.



Wednesday, July 16, 2014

~ Juicy Character Snippets ~ Winston's Epistle

     For the next couple of days his mother, according to Winston, had become unbearable. Asking constantly about his friend who resides in Chicago.

    It had gotten to the point that Winston no longer entered the house through the front door. In effort to minimize contact, he sneaked through the garage that connected to his basement dwellings. On a couple of occasions Winston, in his mad scurry, knocked various kitsch ornaments off a nearby table and would hear his mother swooping for him. He had to make a hasty retreat.

    In all this sneaking about Winston's health did take a toll. Physically, he was as large as ever, but mentally he was in a state of a blackened fury. His mother's constant badgering did bring some truths that he had ignored for quite some time. Where was his naughty Chicagoan?

    The conclusion had be cemented, he must end his annual lent of not speaking to her and write her an epistle.

    Sitting at his desk he attacked the paper with his favorite Mont Blanc pen. How he hated her, words and analogies could not provoke the passion in which she infuriated him.

    He had to start his letter over twice, using too many adjectives that the soul of the piece lost its effect. Winston ran his fingers through his hair. Worked-up and excited he began humming as he started on another fresh piece of paper.

To Whom:

  The appalling situation I find myself in, is that I have been reduced to writing to you first. The decadent land of which you reside, has swallowed your soul. The warnings of which I voiced were not heeded, and I must now take action. As of right now, I disown you.

You left me no choice in the matter.

Upon arrival of this epistle you will have a fortnight to reply. If none is received, I shall be forced to sacrifice the elfin witch that acts as your talisman. You forced my hand in this.

Winston










Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Ode to my Zombie Heels. . .


 
My love,     
     Despite leather heels, boots, and lace-up sandals, you’ve outshined them all. My horrible, wildly fantastic, guilty pleasure, you are my darling zombie heel. There are many reasons why I choose to wear you over the classic stiletto. You cover my big toe and make it appear as if I was genetically blessed with normal, dainty digits. A girl could do no better I assure you. A trait that is hard to overlook are the vibrant colors you flash. The cheekiness and gruesome images you portray are but a salty taste of the underlining theme of the undead. 

Had those teeth be real on you my darling, you would nibble playfully on my toes. I, of course, wouldn’t stand for such silliness but perhaps would let it slide just this once or twice. You compliment my little black dress deliciously. It really does bring out your eyes. A more lovely orb could not have been painted by Michael Angelo himself. Ever modest, your green-skin projects the essence of horror and ageless beauty.
The perfect mate, a girl is blessed in pairs, is that I have your scandalous twin to grace my other foot so perfectly. A kinship that could not be divided, one does not go anywhere without the other. Together we sing a love melody, paced with the beat of our perfectly tuned strides. Feet and heels, heels and feet, together gloved and housed in beautiful harmony.
Timeless and horrible, you have won my heart and forever love.  You are my one and only, zombie heel.
 

Monday, July 14, 2014

Follow My Blog ~ It has a great backside


¦ Creature of the Day ¦

Manticore: A Persian legendary creature. It has a body of a lion, head of a human, crazy wings and a wicked scorpion tail. This is one bad mama jama.  

                         ~ Now for a literary snippet ~

 The creature, dark and evil climbed out of the black pit that once held it captive. Centuries ago the old region cast a mighty spell, locking the manticore up.

Years it stirred in the abbess, waiting for the day. With the decay of humanity, the wise and great all killed in the name of equality. The powerful spell that kept the creature at bay, now forgotten, swept away with the winds of pestilence.

The manticore spread its dusty wings, feeling its strength returning and roared a terrible, great roar.




Friday, July 11, 2014

~ Juicy Character Snippets ~ Disrupted Utopia

                                        • Continued •

The fact still remained that Winston had given up on the idea of Utopia.

    "Mother, you don't understand the tragedy," Winston shouted with passion. His face was a deep plum color and dripped with perspiration.

    "I'm sure we can find another hobby shop close by," Marjorie started the car.

    "The plague that had be fallen me, I managed, no, I persevered in my painting!" Winston opened the box containing his orc army and groaned. "All for what? Twenty dollars?"

    "What did the guy quote before?"

    "Oh, it doesn't matter." Winston picked up a figurine. "You see this guy right here?"

    "Yes," Marjorie pretend to look.

     "See his axe and the color scheme I did?" Winston held the orc right in front of his mother's face. "Look at the blood, the detail, he alone is worth twenty dollars!"

Marjorie nodded and sighed at the same time. "How is your girlfriend doing in Chicago these days?"

Winston put the orc back in the box and closed the lid. "The strumpet hasn't written me in weeks, she could have died for all I know."

     "Have you ever thought about visiting her?" Marjorie said, sounding positive.

     "I am much too distressed to even think about traveling abroad."

Chicago was only one state over.

    "I will pay for everything," she dangled the carrot.

   "Mother please," he pinched the bridge of his nose. The plague threatened its return, more painting was in order. "Take me to my favorite ice-cream parlor, I need sustenance for if I am to overcome this defeat."

Marjorie changed lanes and said nothing.

Thursday, July 10, 2014

The Peach Clock Countdown

     There is this tree, a beautiful, forbidden, naughty, peach tree that has tormented me for years.

    The owners of this covetous tree take pride in their juicy orbs, that hang always out of my reach. The branches that loom above the sidewalk, public property, are always harvested in the night. Not one peach is left for the public to get their grubby mitts on.

    This year, I'm taking one. 

     My stealth victory will be rewarded as I take my first bite. This peach will be the king among peaches. Long have I waited to taste these little darlings. Stay tuned, as the countdown continues for my sneaky harvesting.


~ Juicy Character Snippets ~ Bridge Ladies

                                             • Continued •

          Marjorie fiddled with her lucky bra, irritated. The left strap was beginning to dig into her shoulder, causing her some discomfort.

      "So, I did as you advised and didn't make dinner tonight." Marjorie said. She released her firm hold of the bra strap and it snapped back into place.

      "Did he raise a fuss?" Silvia asked. Her ancient-looking hands shuffled the deck of cards. Sloppy in her shuffling overturned cards would catch and stick out like royal slivers.

      "Winston didn't seem to care," Marjorie said, flatly.

       "Well what about his laundry?" Rosa asked.

        "I stopped that months ago."

        "So is he washing them at least?" Betsy questioned.

        "No, he gets them dry-cleaned." Marjorie smiled faintly. "You should have seen the Chinese guy laugh when Winston gave him a pile of sweatpants to clean.

All four friends laughed at Winston's expense.

        "What about chores?" Silvia suggested, she quickly began dealing out the cards. The first card to all four players got flipped over and was showing. No one seemed to take notice. 

       "I suppose I can try that again," Marjorie said. "I gave up when he refused to load the dishwasher, stating the absurdity of having to just dirty them again. He has been eating off paper plates for years now."

        "Isn't he interested in girls? What happened to that one girl who use to pal around with him?" Rosa collected her cards and started organizing them.

       "Moved to Chicago."

        "I got it!" Silvia smacked the card table, knocking over Betsy's Diet Coke. Betsy huffed and shot Silvia a nasty look. "You offer to pay for Winston to fly out to Chicago, give him a chance to catch up with his friend." Silvia finished.

      "And when he does," Rosa chimed in. "That's when you sell your house and buy a tiny one room apartment."

      "I have far too much stuff for some tiny apartment." Marjorie stated.

     "Two words," Silvia tapped her nose. "Yard Sale." 
          




                   

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

~ Juicy Character Snippets ~ Under the Weather

                                             • Continued •

Feeling under the weather, Winston had stayed locked in his room for most of the week. Food wrappers and various cans of empty soda accumulated outside his door letting his mother know that yes, in fact, he was still alive.

    "Winston, dear, I'm going out with Silvia." His mother said, gently knocking on the door. Tonight was bridge night and she was wearing her lucky 40 DD bra. "Want me to bring you back something?"

     "Stop that infernal tapping, you know I have a headache!" Winston bellowed through the door.

    "I'll be back around midnight," she said knocking louder.

    "Yes, yes, go away!" He roared.

     "I didn't make anything for dinner, but there are some cans of soup in the cupboard."

     "I haven't swallowed that poison since I was thirteen! I am quite capable of feeding myself."

His mother started playfully kicking the soda cans against his door. The door opened in a furry.

      "What, what, what?" Winston asked, his bloodshot eyes distressed with the natural light coming in from the hall.

     "I just wanted to see you," she said kindly.

     "Mother, you don't even notice when I shave."

 She looked over her only child. Overweight and hairy. "I told Silvia to pick me up."

      "Thank you for informing me. Anything else you have to prattle on about bathroom visitations, perchance?" He finished.

      "I love you," she kissed his sweaty forehead.

Winston mumbled those three words back and shut his door. Waddling over to his desk, ignoring his wedgie and resumed his figure painting. He had three orcs left to paint in his Warhammer army.



Tuesday, July 8, 2014

~ Juicy Character Snippets ~ Winston

       The five pound potato pants could no longer hold the twenty pound girth that cinched their way into the stretched denim. Winston was what some call pudgy. Being a man of thirty-eight years, it no longer bothered him that he still lived at home, or the fact that his mother still bought him pants. Which would explain the tight fit.

       Winston was a man of conscience. A martyr to the cause of negligence and A.D.D.  He often felt that he had been short changed in life, but happily accepted his defeat with pork rinds and his vast collection of Italian opera CDs.

      His mother on the other hand, wanted her basement back and stealthy began sabotaging her poor Winston.

Monday, July 7, 2014

Summer Blast Off!!!

My short story that I won 3rd place will be published July 28th! Come join us on Facebook for the Launch Party. Below is the publishing schedule for Creative Prose Publishing, my name looks fabulous.  

Creative Prose Publishing
  • June 30: Cover Reveal of Tifani Clark's Shadow of a Life (see it here)
  • July 7: Cover reveal of Rachel Stiber's Elise's Choice
  • July 14: Q&A with authors Jamie Canosa and Debra Chapoton
  • July 28: Launch party and release date for Beginnings, an anthology based on famous first lines*
  • August 11: Launch party and release date for Tifani Clark's Shadow of a Life
  • August 25: Launch party and release date for Rachel Stiber's Elise's Choice
  • September 8: End of Summer Launch party and giveaway, featuring all of our authors

*Beginnings features stories from our writing contest winners, authors: Laurie Treacy, Jamie Canosa, M.M. Roethig, and Candace Gleave

Magical 4th of July

"You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness.  You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism."  ~Erma Bombeck

The magical hour of when fireworks bless the sky, I was sitting on the roof of my house eating popcorn. The best seats aren't on a crowded lawn with hundreds of people, but the ones shared when slick shoes and a steep roof incline is the great equalizer of men.